Is This Really What Alexander Graham Bell Had In Mind?

I think cell phones are a wonderful idea.

Growing up, only cops and spies had the means, technology and equipment to communicate from the field or their vehicles. I watched enough "Adam 12", "Emergency" and "The Man From U.N.C.L.E" to know what I'm talking about. And though I also knew Maxwell Smart’s shoe phone was a sight gag, it didn't keep me from wanting to have one someday. So having the ability to call almost any place on the planet, from the cab of my car or hiking around in the woods, with a device that's smaller than my wallet is more than a just a little cool. I completely endorse the idea.

Mostly.

At work the other day, I went into the bathroom to wash up before going to lunch. It's a big bathroom, too- room for four, no waiting- but this time I was the only one in there. Or so I thought. While drying my hands, I suddenly heard "a voice" (echo ,echo). Of course the bathroom would be an odd place to hear the voice of God- though one never knows- but I instantly recognized the voice as an earthly one I'd heard before. So it wasn't God. Poking my head around a partition wall, I noticed a pair of feet planted on the floor from the place where the voice was coming from; in a stall. A co-worker was discussing some technical issue I didn't understand with another really smart person from the comfort of the toilet. My eyes nearly rolled out of my head.

But riddle me this? What conversation is so important that it can't wait till one's business is completed?  I mean, I don't care, there's no law against it and, I suppose, in a world where "I need an answer yesterday", this type of occurrence is occurring more and more frequently. But it just seems so…so… weird. I mean, if I placed a call to someone's cell- even a friend’s- and they answered it while sitting on the can, I’d wonder….well, first I’d wonder what the hell- why didn’t you just let it go to voice mail? Then I’d quickly ask them to call back when they were….um….done, and hang up. I mean, for me, that’d just be so awkward. Can you hear me now?

Of course, I wouldn’t necessarily know my party was on the crapper unless some other dead give-away 'cues' were provided; like- besides his dissertation on network schematics- the ones emanating from my co-worker’s south end. Shoot, if I could hear those sounds, surely the person on the other end of the phone could too. Wouldn't that be kind of embarrassing? To both parties? Call me a prude, but I get squeamish if a guy at the next urinal starts talking to me. Catch me at the sink, okay?

As I go through daily life, though, not a whole lot really bothers me. I'm a live-and-let-live type of person. And I'll laugh all day at 'bathroom humor". I just don't find the 'washroom'- common or otherwise- the most appealing place to strike up a conversation, or listen in on someone else's. Not since seventh grade, anyway where I made the mistake, one day, of using the same bathroom  a small band of mischievous middle-schoolers’ used to ambush their unsuspecting classmates.

I didn’t anyone at first, but after I began peeing someone called my name, I answered and, whoops, my pants were suddenly at my ankles. Hahaha, yeah, you got me. Little Rocket got pantsed. I laughed too - if only to save face- pulled my jeans back up and wished I could've been in on the gag myself. I truly is a lot more fun being the de-pantser, rather than the one being de-pantsed. Of course, nothing like that's going to happen anymore. Nobody's going around 'pantsing' people at work. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if there's a sentence or two in the Employee Handbook that expressly prohibits such behavior. Probably a whole page.

Still, don't talk to me in the bathroom. And if you're in there to "multi-task", do everyone a favor and please hang up. Really, it can wait. The call of nature usually can't.