A God Time-Out

I was in no mood to worship when I walked into church this morning. I hadn't slept well, didn't feel well, had a lot on my mind and in general, well, I really didn't want to be there. The only reason I showed up at all was to perform my duties as second service sound tech.

Lord knows why the church drafted me to help on the sound team, but I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. I think the original idea was- Well, he works in radio so he must know something about audio technology. Fooled them. I do work in radio but know nothing- zero- nada- about audio acoustics or hardware, besides how to turn on a microphone. Except when I was on the air, most of my work was done in a recording studio, leaving ample room for a take 2, or 3, or 4, depending on how lousy the first take was. That’s not possible in a real-time audio setting. So asking me to do a live mix was like asking a blind man to read a roadmap.

But that was 15 years ago, and I faked it well enough that they keep asking me to come back and help every first two Sundays of the month. And that's why I felt the compelling need to show up this morning, even though 99 percent of my mind and body would've rather been elsewhere. Naturally, it was a busy service with it being Communion, as well as the second Sunday of advent. So there was more to pay attention to than my half-awake brain was ready for. And of course, stuff went wrong. I mean, why wouldn't it?

The Pastor's wireless stopped functioning just as he was starting the Communion part of the service. Fortunately, there were others from the sound team in attendance not working, and after some quick consultation and scrambling around we all managed to get it fixed- a bad connection- just as the Pastor was finished talking. So nobody heard anything. But at least they didn’t miss taking Communion. While distracted with the mic issue, I didn't get any of the elements when they passed by, just one more annoyance on a Sunday morning full of them.

So I kept drifting in and out during the sermon, dwelling on what a crummy day it'd been so far and basically tuning everything else out. By the time service began to wind up, I felt like it'd been pointless for me to even be there. But before the closing song, Pastor asked everyone to get in small groups of two or three and pray for each other. Working alone in back, I had nobody to get with so just stared down at the console to wait it out until the worship team was given the go-ahead to sing. What could I possibly pray for except a quick exit? But with my head bowed, I suddenly started to remember what kind of week it'd been. It sucked, but it sucked because I let it suck. 

Not an immediate embracer of change, and tasked with some new departmental parameters I didn't like or immediately understand, I allowed my passive resistance and stubbornness to get the best of me and it showed up in my work. I didn’t seek extra help or clarification, and unhappily forged ahead, and made mistake after mistake- even on things that weren’t affected by the modifications to the work flow, simple stuff that I never messed up. My head simply wasn’t in the game. My attitude tanked and I said and thought things that were unkind, mean or unfair. In the process, I let down friends and co-workers, let down my boss and let down myself. I’d been a lousy employee. I was even a little out to lunch at home too. So I’d had better weeks.

But as the singers began to sing, "Baptise Us With Your Love", I was convicted. I listened to the words and was embarrassed because they hit home and caused my eyes to water. Forgive us for our sins, cleanse us from within…. It's a simple song with a simple theme, but it hit me dead-on. Because my heart just wasn’t in the right place this week, there was so much I needed to be forgiven for. But blinded by ego and pride and anger, I’d neglected to stop long enough to acknowledge the problem and ask for a pardon. I just keep messing up and almost missed the gentle message of this gentle little chorus: I need forgiveness!

And not just this past week, or today; but all the time.

What a revelation. On a morning when I wasn't listening or wanted to be in His house, God sought me out anyway. It only took 2 minutes, but He not only found me, He got my attention and reached me. Thank you Father. I needed that.